Projectorness & Relationships

Being a projector is so much about the other. It’s even our type’s ‘‘life theme question’’: ‘‘Who are you?’’.

We are literally designed to guide others, more specifically to guide the energy from energy types back to them. To do this, our aura penetrates theirs, laser-focused, straight to the core of who they are. Ra teaches us that we are also the only type that is designed to be (correctly) conditioned by the other.

I'm sure many of you who would read this could see all that from the heavy and difficult side of it. Like you, I assume, I've experienced at least parts of the hardship.

I have been in so many relationships where I felt stuck in the role of the caretaker, the healer, the relationship coach. Or very passive, sometimes bullied. I believe and have observed those can be easy traps for us projectors.

So often, I didn’t feel recognized, or that all the love and care I was putting in the relationships were either seen or appreciated. That hurt. It's hard, painful to feel like we love the other more than they probably will ever love us, whether that's true or not.

I don't know for you, but I also don't always want to take the other in in that way. I don't always want to feel, sample so much or so many of them, it can be a lot!
I'd rather be left alone sometimes (often). That may also be due to my strong hermitness though, haha!

My 5 undefined centers (head, self, solar plexus, sacral, open ego) sealed that deal. I have struggled (still do with some) with so many typical challenges that can go with that kind of openness and incorrect conditioning: anxiety, burnout, self-esteem/trust issues, lack of boundaries, overwhelming, intrusive empathy, addictive behaviours...

Openness and penetrating auras are no joke, the conditioning therefore the struggle is real.

I'd really like you to ponder here the power that it also implies. Both for the projectors and the non-projectors. We are wired to be guides, and that power we've been given is a big one.

Our world conditions us to use it as initiators or like generators, responding to our impulses.
That means that we will have to do quite some learning over the years to hone that gift, to learn how to channel our power so it serves us and the other to the best of its abilities.

And we will need to learn a lot through trials and errors in our relationships because sampling others and being so easily conditioned invites the not-self through any cracks it can find, no matter how open our design is.

I am so grateful that my system found me very early on, and learning to be a better guide has been a big priority for me over the past two decades.

If I had to share what helped me the most to make sure I am as aligned with myself as I can as a projector and also making the best of my projectorness, it would be :

1. Sleep alone as much as you can, find weird ways if needed. I recently learned I sleep way better and our relationship is strengthen by spending half of most of my nights on a shitty sofa and finishing them in our bed when my partner gets up earlier than I would. Uncomfortable, too much light, sound, disrupted sleep. All worth waking up less ''cloudy'' and knowing I wake up as myself. He spends 2 nights a week there for the same purpose. For now, it's better than nothing.

2. Spend time alone outside of sleeping and basic care. Alone, alone, even if you're a 4th line profile or everything about your design is sociable. Not connected with anyone's energy at all. Time to just be. Every day would be quite a must, even just for a few minutes if that's all you can tolerate or find right now. We all need to recharge a lot from others' definition and auras.

3. If relationships are tricky, find ways to heal you find helpful and learn about what makes relationships work better. Learn about attachment styles. Setting boundaries that are loving and respectful of everyone involved will be a greatly useful tool too. We can't guide well by force, intrusion or manipulation. (click for resources)

4. Our motivation is one of our most important allies in our experiment. Since people physically around us have such an incredible impact on us, Ra teaches us that focusing some of our awareness on who brings us naturally to our transferred Motivation aren't correct for us and therefore condition us incorrectly. Our bonds with them shall be carefully pondered and chosen.

5. Of course... Shut up and wait. Nothing will do us any good without a strong commitment to our Strategy and Authority, all day, every day. Knowing it will be hard and weird sometimes, often maybe.

We have to wait for the invitation and it's such a simple yet powerful device to lovingly protect us from incorrectness on top of limiting resistance. (more about this in my love letter to our Strategy here)

I keep being more radical with my experiment and being amazed by the beauty and power it brought to my life.
So I shut up and wait to be invited to offer my heretic opinions especially, but really, more and more, for everything. My defined throat has reliable energy to express myself, it doesn't mean it's always the right time or from the right place, the ones I truly need. I can’t learn this if I don’t observe what happens when I do wait and keep quiet.

Sometimes, it pains me to realize how incorrect a relationship or place is, but I couldn't see it or let go of the bond before I shut up and wait, then it was clarified so easily. Shutting up makes being the passenger so much easier too.

Those are the things that helped me the most so far, and the ones I keep going back to. Those principles help me embody joyfully my projectorness, found myself surrounded by love and at peace more and more, and receive wonderful invitations in so many ways. I hope they'll support you in your journey too.

Love,
L.