What’s the difference between a small and wide split?

"What we're dealing with in a broad split: the broad split looks out and only sees the problem in the other. It is a very, very different kind of mechanism. And yet, it is something that is very important. But it lends so many problems to these people. Any of the broad splits that I know, their relationships have failed consistently. And they have failed consistently because there is nothing wrong with them and there is everything wrong with the other. Everything.

Now, the other side of this is something else. The other side of this is how profound this can be. And again, there is a basic criterion. If the broad split doesn't enter into the relationship correctly, this is never going to work because they’re always going to be pointing at the other and saying, “It’s you.” But the moment they enter into the relationship correctly, they actually get to see what the other person can do to make their relationship work. Not what's wrong with them, but what this (broad split) person is going to need from them."

"The split definition with a single bridge tells the partner how to relate. The split definition that is broad is waiting for the partner to learn to give them what they need. “I'm missing something. You can bring it to me.” Now, this is very important. This is not about saying to your partner, “This is what you need to do to be better at relating,” this is the other side. “This is what I need from you to make this relationship work.” It’s very different.

So, it’s saying to this other, “I need intimacy from you. If I don't have intimacy from you, our relationship can't work.” It's not, “There's something wrong with you, that you're not intimate,” or all of that. It has nothing to do with that. It’s totally different because it's correct now. And what it’s saying to the other is, “Look, I need this from you. If you can’t give me this, it’s not going to work.” And it’s their truth.

Everything about the split definition is that they're here to teach relating. But they do it in different ways. The bridge split says that you’ve got to be able to DO this. The broad split says you’ve got to be able to GIVE this. We have an enormous problem in the nature of communion. Human beings operating out of mental authorities are full of fears. Relationships, whether they are going to succeed or fail, can be very threatening."

| Our dude, Ra Uru Hu (shared by Koen on the Projectors group)