You should see how far my eyes roll when I see in response to someone asking in groups “was that correct for me?” “What’s your motivation?” 🙄😂

It’s not that it’s a “wrong” question in itself, it’s about how much it easily fuels our not-self mind…

No access below the line

When we’re talking about Motivation, and that’s something Ra as I heard him was abundantly clear on, we’re talking about what’s below the line, like color and tone. And most people seem to dismiss what he used to repeat over and over “we don’t have access to what’s below the line”. Granted it sounds dumb, we all can experience having thoughts that are clearly sounding like our transference, right? And for those of us having a natural agenda attached to our Motivation (so everyone besides people with Innocence motivation), we also clearly can recognize thoughts that have the theme of our Motivation. And maybe if we’re lucky, we can even feel the way the mind and body can tense up and lose perspective, we can sense the most obvious “dumbing down” that comes with transference.

To me, that’s the key of that lack of access of what’s below the line, we only get to see the surface result. As if it was a body of water, and there’s all kind of movement inside, all kinds of ecosystems living under there, but if it doesn’t trigger consequences, movement at the surface, we can see it. Thoughts and their themes aren’t color, they’re the consequences of color, the way Color literally colors our thinking. The tension in mind and body? The lack of mental clarity? The resistance? All those can also be seen as byproducts of the mechanics below the line, rather than the actual mechanics.

“No access below the line” was a mantra I found so disturbing until I heard Ra say “and when I say “no access” I’m not talking of the kind of no access in the sense of “no conscious access to what’s happening in the design crystal”, the way we can’t access them [color, tone, base] goes so much deeper than that, we really have no access at all”. Something, I hear him say something and my whole spine shiver, I feel so alive, in alert, I know he said something so incredibly important. That was one of those times. Of course, it’s only my truth, I’m sure many hear some kind of lies, of manipulation, I’ve heard hilarious stories about his evil plans. I can’t help to hear truth in this the way they can’t help to not hear any. “Don’t believe me”, see for yourself.

A tool, but to see, not to do

On my end, after I heard him say that, it was like somehow my mind got fractured, a tiny door opened up, doubt creeped in “what if those things I see, I think I know are part of how my mind manipulates me constantly in order to stay the decider in my life?”. I kept studying, and even him, the leftie ego energy being dude, would make sure we hear regularly that Motivation may be a tool, but it’s not a tool to do, it’s a tool to see.

I actually never say “tool” because most people then use it to check on correctness, to evaluate correctness, which the mind simply cannot fucking do. It’s not here for that.

A natural see-saw to observe

Motivation is that sort of see-saw thing that colors our thinking. It will keep changing no matter what, over and over, it cannot ever be “fixed” on one side. It’s also constantly conditioned by the Program, the transits. Meaning that every 4 hours, the whole world is conditioned to think a certain way. So 4 hours a day, it’ll be easier to think the way we’re meant to, 4 hours a day, it’ll be really hard to think differently than in transference, and the 16 other hours we’ll deal with some sort a freestyle coloring of our thinking. And that’s just from existing.

The not-self begets the not-self, so no matter which color anyone has, when we’re interacting in not-self, we condition the other to do the same, which in return pulls us even more into not-self. Such a mess.

Even natural movement doesn’t mean it’s correct

“Better”? The Voice taught Ra that each moment we spend in not-self, when we don’t honor our S&A, any information coming in us (through the Base), can’t reach our Tone and therefore automatically comes out of us through the Color of our transference. The natural movement of the body can also let us access our privileged Color, but even the body can be transferred, so even natural movement can’t always be trusted as correct. 😂

(See picture)

Can you hear just a little bit how much, first of all, it’s incredibly difficult to be sure which Motivation is coloring our thinking? Those are the kinds of things, the more I would learn them, the less I would trust that Mindy can accurately evaluate what’s happening inside of me. She can see things here and there, “moment by moment, breath by breath”, she WILL try to make patterns constantly, but only sometimes will she have access to something reliable. We’re not here to know what’s happening, but Mindy will try. We’re even less here to predict but she will try anyway. And what we’re really, really not here to do is to decide with her.

Human Design information is never about anything but seeing

And you know how we decide with our mind in a somehow sneaky way? When the mind starts to use HD information to make decisions and evaluate the correctness of things so we can decide whether we should do something or not. We even do it with our S&A! [another story for another day though]

That’s exactly what we invite them to do when someone comes to us and say stuff like “I got an invitation, is this correct for me?” and we ask “what’s your motivation?”. You know what we also do when we ask that question in that way? We pretend as if there was another strategy and another authority than our S&A. Our mind thinking something looks or feels like our motivation is the perfect gateway to say “ah this sounds like what I think my motivation should feel like, I’ll say yes” or “oh this sounds like my transference, I’ll stay away”. This is not following our S&A. Even less if we take into account that we don’t even have access to color, only to its ripples on the surface of the water.

A mostly useless question

Even if we could access it, the question would still be useless because we can’t know how those things are expressing themselves in the end. The Innocence Motivation is a an excellent illustration : we can still innocently lead and being innocent and invited to lead. No one can define Innocence as a pattern so the question is really irrelevant. But even with the opposite, Desire, let’s say the person has been invited to lead, we have no way to know it’s the right opportunity to lead. And if it’s not an obvious leadership position, it doesn’t mean they won’t be constantly in a position to lead. Leading and all the other agendas have soooo many ways to show up. The question is not as telling as it sounds to the people asking it.

Of course it doesn’t make Motivation and Transference useless. It’s just a piece that humble the mind about what it can actually know if we let it. If we do so, then it becomes incredibly valuable. As long as we know we have no way to be sure and we’re not here to use it to decide, it becomes a wonderful signpost.

Watching the other is easier

Ra used to advice to start first by looking at the other coming to us, especially as Projectors, being so connected to the other, he was saying how much easier it is to see which people are attracted by our color : that’s what color does, it attracts people, if we’re incorrect, we attract incorrect people for us, people who are here for our transference. If we’re correct, we attract people correct for us, people who are here for our Motivation.

I had such shocking moments of knowing when realizing that for years, I wouldn’t feel seen by people not treating me like a potential leader, guide in my life. You know? The person to look for when they need advice, that they expect we take charge of things, who solve problems no one seems to solve. I used to always have a couple of people that felt like “baby birds I needed to repair” around me. Well, that sounds like textbook Desire transference. Now, I can sense tension all over my body when those people being so obvious about it approach me in that way. When they want me to lead them and “solve their life”. It doesn’t mean Mindy doesn’t want very hard to be seen that way regularly, or isn’t upset when people resist my uninvited “let me explain to you what you should do about it” and think they’re idiots for not seeing my genius. Mind gotta mind 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

It also doesn’t mean I really do know. Educated guesses are still guesses.

Seeing, including the seeing that we can’t really know

And very slowly too, my seeing gets different, I for example don’t trust as much the sense that people are wrong that is so pervasive in transference (or even being sure they’re stuck in their not-self and that’s why they resist and such bullshit Mindy would rather do than picking up on my not-self). And suuuuuper slowly, I feel relaxed when I don’t have to lead anything and can’t stay back, watching the collective show, having nothing and no one to be in charge of.

I get to spend less time stuck in Desire, enraging at the way the world is, or my bonds are. I don’t have as much those bitter “well if that’s how it is FUCK EVERYTHING AND THEM FIRST!! I won’t care at all” which is still Desire in such a sneaky way from what I know. There’s still a will to change the situation in me. There’s still what a friend calls a fighting reality vibe in me. I still can’t know for sure. But each time I sense the similar vibe attached to those moments it’s harder to tell myself it’s my Innocence. And Mindy always wants me to see Innocence, so I don’t doubt her. So I let her run my life without knowing it.

Instead of evaluating my Motivation, which is almost always about my not-self, leading me to even doubt I can actually know I’m “innocent”, that even seeing my Innocence feels like a sneaky version of Desire, I find it much easier to be allowed to watch. What I mean is that Rave psychology teaches us we’re not even meant to “make sure” we don’t decide in transference.

But we may be able to start to watch what looks like decisions we make and movement our body does, no matter if we can see whether they’re made in transference or not, and keep collecting the signposts. Which is an incredibly different way of seeing.

If we know that possibly, decisions made in transference and moments of transference will bring us more of our not-self theme, more resistance, more of all the signposts we can know about our not-self, collecting that not-self info becomes what’s most precious in our deconditioning.

Since it’s what our mind wants the least to see, will avoid at all costs, it has a very special quality, so much more reliable than thinking we’re seeing our signature or our “oh, that’s me being correct!” “That’s chat my channel wants/looks like” [🙄 another one of my pet peeves, but again, out of topic here 😂]…. that makes Mindy feels soooo good and comfortable, feeling so fucking smart, well those are not very reliable signposts, on my end, I’m even noticing more and more like 90% of me thinking I can see my “aligned” nature actually presents subtle flavours of not-self 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️😂 But seeing the not-self seems to be the most transformative thing for our consciousness.

And we can’t do that as well if we keep interfering mentally with questions like “what’s my motivation?” to “triage” decisions that “can” be made or not.

Sooo after that very uncomfortable thing to write… where like each time I do, so many more instances of not-self appear more clearly to me 😳… to the delight of my dear Mindy 🙄😒😂 Each memory brings that lovely taste of bitterness, I’m glad I’m allowed to stop for now. May the odds be in your favour ✌🏼 Bisous 😘