A few days ago something new happened.

Somewhere in the Projectors group, I mentioned how much I disliked the way our Innocence motivation is attached to having a childlike and loving quality. I know so many Innocent people who when they’re correct have a very serious or « mature », not childlike quality at all, and/or would really not be considered especially loving or joyful… in any case it’s such a narrow way to describe the motivation that is the hardest to describe because there’s no Innocence like another, no motivation more dependent on the rest of our definition…

Andrea Goodsaid and her lovely 1-ness asked me if I would say more. I did, and my friend Martina Mandl then mentioned a couple of times how it would make a good blog article. How delicious to be surrounded by people recognizing me 🥰

Here’s what came out : Andrea Goodsaid a tiny collection of the quotes Mindy hated the most but that turned out to show me the best the subtlety of my transferred Desire so far 😬😂 :

“Innocence is not here to be involved, it’s here to be a by-stander”

“Innocence is not here to help”

“This (left minded) innocent investigator doesn’t know why they investigate things, or what they investigate really, they just know they like looking into things”

“This (right minded) investigator doesn’t even look like they’re investigating at all, they’re taking things in”

“Innocence is not invested in the result, it’s just here to watch what happens”

“I’m not influenced by this or that, I’m not connected to this or that”

Ra used to talk about a child like quality and everyone seems to only see the child being loving and joyful. But children are also so openly cruel without even knowing it. Children have unadulterated rage. Can be in endless pits of despair. They’re so detached from all the drama and games of the world, they just don’t care, they’re in their own little world. We have to condition them to the weird social games.

I’m living with a 6 Manifestor with a double 6 color mind. It’s literally amazing how much he naturally doesn’t give a shit about all the things the world deems so important. And how much the more time passes by, the more I’m the same with my double 6th color mind. And how much the second we seem to know what we’re doing, have the slightest idea, Desire is in the place. I recognize my innocents (I seem to have more and more around me) so much better in Ra’s words than the “hihihi loving and fun innocence”. The more correct we seem to be, the more we often look like aloof, uncaring assholes who take nothing seriously, and that, yeah, I must admit, it’s quite delicious to slip into that. 😂

So many things were conditioned to do are agendas.

We’re (innocents) being polite? We have an agenda.

We’re trying to understand something or someone? We have an agenda.

Looking actively into what’s missing, what needs to be fixed? Agenda.

We want to help? Agenda.

We hope something will turn out a certain way, even just a little bit? Agenda.

We want to get out of an unpleasant situation? Agenda.

We want someone to stop controlling us? Agenda

We want to appease a situation? Agenda

Pleasing someone in any way? fucking agenda.

Comforting or supporting them? Agenda!

Make sure we don’t hurt someone? Pff… agenda…

Making a space fair? That protect people? A-gen-da.

Communicating in a clear way? Agenda…

The most ironic… We want to just not care about anything and just have fun? Mother.fucking. Agenda. 🙄🙄🙄🤣

Then Michele Coppa mentioned it seemed very much related to others. It’s true! My rightness lets out only part of what I know, it’s quite fascinating. Anyway, after thanking her I added this :

Extra mini rant :

Bored and want to find something to do? Agenda

Anxious looking for ways to relax? Agenda

Sad looking for ways to self soothe? Agenda

Restless seeking stimulation? Agenda

I’m devoured by desires for certain food regularly. Agenda! not sure which (pleasure?)but sure as hell has the same quality to think about it

Getting interested by something I want to learn? Agenda

Finding an activity I’d like to do, a place I want to go to? Fucking agenda

By me self thinking about people I miss and would like to see? Agenda

Wishing I was more deconditioned so that whole experiment thing would be easier? Hecking agenda

Wishing I was different in any way? Uggggh agenda

Wanting to know what’s going to happen next in life in a book show whatever)? Pfff agenda…

Wishing *anything* was different? Sneaky as fuck and almost ever present agenda

Wanting to sleep when I can’t? Annoying agenda

The stupidest maybe : being uncomfortable or feeling hungry or wanting to pee and wanting to move to do despite my body not moving? I almost can’t believe it’s an agenda…

Now I’ll go back to probably a little self pitying ragey bitterness drowning little pouting session about how I wish I hadn’t the motivation that makes the clearest how much 99% of thoughts are fucking not-self… 😒🙄😂

That « not caring at all about the result » thing is such a bitch 🙈🤣